Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Themon August 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm
This book is broken up into two parts: 1. Men Who Hate Women, and 2. The Women Who Love Them.
Part 1 is primarily about how a relationship functions when the man hates women. It describes exactly how the man works to take control over the woman and render her powerless, and how and why the woman gives in and why she stays. It also explains why the man does this and how incredibly dependant he is on her–he tries to control her and make her powerless in an effort to make it unlikely he will be abandoned. Toward the end of this half of the book, the author explains how men learn to hate women, and how women learn to love women-haters. A lot of it has to do with habits learned in childhood. I found all of what this book said about these types of relationships to be true when considering my experiences and the real-life relationship examples I’m aware of and the dynamics of those relationships.
Part 2 is about what the woman can do about her situation. This section starts with challenging her old thinking patterns, which in turn helps her feelings to be less overwhelming. Interestingly, the next step is to “Choose to behave exactly as you have been.” This surprised me, but when the author explained it, it made sense. By making a choice to behave the way she has been, instead of behaving that way out of reaction to her partner’s behavior, she is taking back some of her control over her life. I think this step makes a lot of sense as an in-between while a woman becomes more comfortable with herself and more confident with her ability to make decisions. Later in this half of the book the woman learns how to set limits with her partner and stand up for herself. The final chapters of this book are about knowing when to leave and the woman learning who she is again.
Personally I think this is an excellent book. I’m not at all surprised that it was a #1 New York Times Bestseller. This book is extremely thorough and well-written, and I think it would be helpful for any woman involved in an abusive relationship. This book has a primary focus on psychological abuse, but it does also briefly cover the topics of physical and sexual abuse.